Ways to Support a Loved One Living With Dementia

If someone you love is living with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia, you already know how much the small moments matter. How you greet them, how you respond when they’re confused, and how you include them can make a real difference in how safe and valued they feel.

Our nursing home attorneys, led by practice chair Denise Mariani, work with families every day who are navigating dementia care. Here are eight simple ways to offer comfort, patience, and dignity to someone you love.

1. Introduce Yourself Every Time

Start each visit by saying who you are: “Hi Mom, it’s Sarah.” Try not to ask, “Do you know who I am?” Even when it’s meant kindly, a question like that can feel like a test and cause anxiety. A quick, warm introduction takes the pressure off.

2. Meet Them Where They Are

People with dementia may lose track of time, mix up the past and the present, or believe things that aren’t true. Correcting them often leads to frustration for both of you. Unless there’s a safety concern, it’s usually kinder to go along with their version of events and keep the conversation calm and pleasant.

3. Don’t Take Memory Lapses Personally

It can hurt when a loved one mixes up your name or doesn’t recognize you. Remember that this is the disease, not a reflection of your relationship. Take a breath, stay patient, and gently move the conversation forward.

4. Respond to Feelings, Not Just Words

When someone with dementia is sad, scared, or agitated, there’s usually a reason, even if they can’t explain it. They may be hungry, in pain, tired, or overwhelmed. Sit with them, hold their hand, and listen. Try to find out what’s bothering them instead of brushing their feelings aside.

5. Speak to Them as the Adult They Are

Dementia changes how a person thinks and communicates, but it doesn’t erase who they are. Avoid talking down to them, and never talk about them as if they aren’t in the room. Include them in conversations and decisions whenever you can.

6. Help Them Keep Doing What They Love

Favorite music, a walk outside, old photos, or a visit with friends can bring real joy. Ask them to tell you a story from their past. Older memories often stay strong, and sharing them can be a comforting way to connect. And don’t leave them out of holidays and family gatherings.

7. Support Their Independence

Small adjustments can help a loved one hold on to their independence. If utensils become difficult, for example, finger foods may let them keep feeding themselves. Keeping snacks within easy reach helps too, since a person with dementia may not be able to tell you they’re hungry.

8. Ask for Help and Let Go of the Guilt

No one can provide care 24 hours a day, seven days a week, on their own. Bringing in help or choosing a memory care community isn’t giving up. It’s making sure your loved one gets the care they need. If your loved one lives in a care facility, visit often. Your presence is comforting, and it also lets you notice changes in their health or care.

When a Care Facility Falls Short

Families trust nursing homes and memory care communities to protect residents who can’t always speak up for themselves. Residents with dementia are especially vulnerable to neglect and abuse because they may not be able to report what’s happening. Warning signs can include unexplained bruises or injuries, sudden weight loss, bedsores, poor hygiene, frequent falls, or a resident wandering away from the facility unnoticed.

If you’re concerned that a loved one isn’t getting the care they deserve, Stark & Stark’s nursing home abuse attorneys can help you understand your options. Contact us to talk through your concerns.

Most of all, remember that the person you love is still there. A hug, a familiar song, or a shared laugh can mean more than you know.